The Speech

"The Speech" is an episode of SpongeBob's Wonderful Life With Joe Biden.

Transcript
(a crowd is waiting for Biden to speak. SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, and a reporter are waiting backstage.)

Media reporter: Where is Biden? He was supposed to give his speech an hour ago.

SpongeBob: Uhh… He'll be here in a minute.

Patrick: Maybe he forgot he was the president.

Squidward: Maybe he fell asleep. (laughs)

SpongeBob: No no, he's just running a little late, that's all. Hey look, here he is now.

(Joe Biden starts giving his speech)

Joe Biden: My fellow Americans, today I would like to take a moment to show you this amazing subreddit my son told me about. The subreddit is called r/AlzheimersGroup, and is filled with very original and funny content, like this comic here. It is a really good sub. It is a shame my son isn’t here to see it.



Crowd member: ..wait what?

Joe Biden: I would also like to say that… Uh… I would like to… Uhh, hey have you guys seen this subreddit, it is called r/AlzheimersGroup. Look at that funny orange cat.



SpongeBob: (backstage) Uh oh.

Media reporter: What is going on?

SpongeBob: I think Joe forgot to take his dementia pills this morning.

Joe Biden: Now I know a lot of you guys are worried about the problems with Russia and Ukraine, and my solution to these problems is simple.

Woman in the crowd: (to husband) See I told you I was right to vote for Joe!

Joe Biden: The solution is… We show President Putin this amazing subreddit that I just found. It is called r/AlzheimersGroup, it’s really funny, but this man needs serious help and support, his sock drawer is on fire. I am directing all public services to him immediately.



Woman’s husband: Debbie, why did you vote for this mental retard, and not for DONALD J. TRUMP!

Joe Biden: And speaking of funny Garfield comics… Uhh… Who are you people? What are your names?

(silence in the crowd)

Crowd member: My name Jeff.

SpongeBob: (backstage) Oh God. I need to help him quick. (runs off)

(Patrick turns to Squidward)

Patrick: Hey Squidward, don't you find it odd that despite making up only 13% of the population-

Squidward: Not this again-

Patrick: 53% of the crime is committed by the-

Squidward: Patrick-

Patrick: These are real stats you can find them on Google-

Squidward: Patrick-

Patrick: Although I can't provide a source for them-

Squidward: SHUT THE FUCK UP PATRICK!

Patrick: Also Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself.

Squidward: OK I can agree with you on that.

(back on stage)

Joe Biden: I don’t know who any of you people are but can someone tell President Obama to check his Facebook? I sent him this funny comic.



(it isn’t that funny)

(SpongeBob runs up to him)

SpongeBob: JOE! OBAMA ISN’T THE PRESIDENT!

Joe Biden: …what?

SpongeBob: IT’S 2022! YOU’RE THE PRESIDENT! YOU’RE GIVING A SPEECH ON RUSSIA AND UKRAINE!

Joe Biden: …why what happened?

SpongeBob: Joe, I think we need to leave.

Joe Biden: Now hold on, I didn’t get a chance to show the crowd this new Stampy video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4NpMtkemus

SpongeBob: I think they’ve seen enough, Joe. Let’s go. (the crowd boos as SpongeBob and Joe leave)

(the end)