Water Sex

"What is wrong with you?! How dare you enslave us! We're women! You're only supposed to enslave men!" Laci complained. "You wanted me to enslave you! What the hell are you complaining about?!" Sheldon shouted. "Well, we feminists pride ourselves on our ability to complain about nothing," Laci explained. "Oh, you've gotta be kidding me..." Sheldon facepalmed. "You know, son, you're right. These girls are a bunch of nuts! And not the good kind either!" God exclaimed. "Welp, this is getting boring. What should we do now?" Jesus asked. "Ooh, ooh! I know! I know! Story time!" God grinned.

"Story time, huh? Sure, that sounds fun. But what story are you gonna tell me?" Jesus asked. "We could tell you about the time about how we sent death threats to someone over a suicide joke!" Laci suggested. "Which time?" one of the feminists asked. "All of them!" Laci grinned. "What about the time we tried to burn a child alive for having a crush on someone of the same gender?" Jesus suggested. "Wait! What gender was this child?" Laci asked. "He was male. Why?" Jesus answered. "Oh, that's okay then," Laci said.

"Now hold on one second!" God commanded. "It's been a second," Laci said. "You know what I mean! Anyway, I'm the one telling the story here. Not any of you filthy pigs!" God growled. "You call your son a filthy pig?" Laci asked. "Don't worry, it's okay. It's our kink," Jesus said nonchalantly. "That's a weird kink," one of the feminists said dryly. "Tasha! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT KINK SHAMING?!" Laci growled. "You guys are weird. Anyway, time to begin my story!" God grinned.

It started off a normal day in Heaven, but then I began to get an urge. A VERY IMPORTANT URGE!

"The urge to masturbate?" Jesus asked. "No, not that. But if you keep mentioning it, then yes I'm going to get it very soon!" God growled. "But anyway, what I really had an urge for was water sex," God corrected.

"You know what? I really feel like some water sex. Maybe I could even end up having a son! That way I could have him nailed to a cross and left there to die! And later I could jack off to his sandals! Yeah, I'd be a good dad," God said to himself, a smirk on his face. "But sir, I thought you were already the father to all the people on Earth," an angel said. "Pft, who cares about them? They're all a bunch of idiots anyway. No, I want a real son, Gabriel," God said.

"Please don't call me Gabriel," the angel said dryly. "Right. My apologies, Gabriel. Now, uh, there's this hot-ass twelve year girl on Earth that I'd really like to f***. Could you let her know that she's going to be giving birth to my kid?" God asked. "...You want to f*** a twelve year old girl?" Gabriel asked, a disturbed look on his face. "Yep! Now go! Go tell her, Gabriel!" God demanded. "It's Gabe..." the angel muttered, flying off from his master.

Meanwhile, down on Earth, Mary had been walking through down, dragging a bucket of water along the ground. Suddenly, Gabe appeared next to her. "Gah! What in the world?! I'm s-seeeing angels! W-What?! How is this...I knew I should've of eaten those weird plants in the garden!" Mary freaked out. "No, you're not hallucinating, though after what I tell you, you're gonna wish you were," Gabe said. "What do you mean?" Mary asked. "Well, uh...God, he uh...well, he wants to have his way with you," Gabe said nervously.

"What?! Eeeewwww! No way! That's disgusting! I don't want to do that! I'm asexual," Mary denied, crossing his arms. "TOO BAD! You don't have a choice!" God announced, appearing next to Gabe and Mary. "Gah!" Mary's eyes widened, beginning to run away from the crazy deity. "I'm coming after you!" God shouted, flying after the young girl. He eventually caught up to her, taking off her dress and throwing her into a nearby lake. "Time for the fun to begin!" God grinned, ripping off his robe and jumping into the lake as well.

"Whoo! Encore! Encore!" Jesus applauded. "Woah, woah, woah. Hold on there. Who's the writer of this show again?" Laci asked. "Travisplatypus, why?" God answered. "Did he- Was the ending scene a rape joke?! What is wrong with that kid?! I wonder how funny he'd think it'd be if he got raped himself!" Laci growled. "Ooh! Ooh! Can I be the one raping him? Please!" Jesus pleaded.