An Awesome House

"An Awesome House" is an episode of Mr. Character's Awesome House. In this episode, Mr. Character accidentally plays the lottery and wins a billion dollars, so he buys an awesome new house.

Transcript
'''WARNING: Please do not attempt to perform any of the stunts or activities in this show, as they are dangerous and could lead to serious injury. Video submissions of any kind are not accepted by mXD or the producers.'''

(theme song)

It seems today

That all you see

Is Meme World Movies

And Spongbob stories

But where are those good old fashioned values?

On which we used to rely

LUCKY THERE'S AN AWESOME HOUSE

LUCKY THERE'S A CHARACTER WHO

POSITIVELY CAN DO

ALL THE THINGS THAT MAKE US

Laugh and cry

HE

IS

MR.

CHARACTER

(Mr. Character is at the Krusty Krab using what he thinks is an ATM)

Narrator: Mr. Character's Awesome House is filmed.

Mr. Character: (trying to put his credit card in) Come on. Get in the hole. It looks like I'm going to have to try harder. (he tries to use his foot to kick the card in) COME ON! Oh for (censor bleep) sake.

(Mr. Character leaves and then rides back into the Krusty Krab on a bicycle, he then tries to use the bicycle's wheel to force the credit card in)

Mr. Character: WHY ISN'T THIS WORKING?

(he leaves once again and suddenly a window in the Krusty Krab breaks as Mr. Character drives in on a monster truck, he then uses the wheel of it to force the credit card into the "atm", this time it succeeds)

Mr. Character: YES! FINALLY! Okay now to drive out. (he reverses out, causing more damage to the Krusty Krab in the process)

"ATM": Please enter your numbers.

Mr. Character: Okay. (he enters his numbers and the machine prints out what he thinks is a receipt, he takes it and then his credit card pops back out of the machine) WHAT THE?! WHERE'S MY (censor bleep)ING MONEY?! (he pulls out a baseball bat and destroys the machine)

(Mr. Krabs shows up)

Mr. Krabs: MR. SQUIDWARD! SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ARE LOOKING AT AMONG US SEX IN ME OFFICE! WHAT THE?! (he looks around at all the damage Mr. Character has caused) WHAT HAPPENED HERE?!

Mr. Character: Your machine wasn't working.

(Mr. Krabs literally kicks Mr. Character out)

Mr. Character: I didn't even get to buy my Krabby Patty.

(sitcom sting plays as we go to Mr. Character's terrible house)

Narrator: The next day.

(Mr. Character enters to his wife, Mrs. Character making breakfast)

Mrs. Character: Good morning, Mr. Character.

Mr. Character: Good morning, Mrs. Character.

Mrs. Character: I am going to turn on the TV.

(Mrs. Character turns on the TV to the news: A news reporter can be seen with another man)

Reporter: I’m here with a representative for the Bikini Bottom National Lottery, Jonathan Lottery. But for the purpose of this report, he will remain anonymous. (Jonathan’s face suddenly gets blurred)

Jonathan: Wait what?

Reporter: Now the reason we are here is because somebody here has won a billion dollars in the lottery. This anonymous representative will tell us more.

Jonathan: Okay first of all it is completely pointless concealing my identity now. Second of all, yes someone went to the Krusty Krab and ordered a ticket for the lottery. (CCTV footage of the scene with Mr. Character trying to put in his credit card plays)

Mrs. Character: Wait is that-?

Jonathan: So we managed to trace the man who bought the ticket and he lives here.

Reporter: Now did you find his address legally?

Jonathan: Absolutely not. (the camera zooms out revealing the reporters are right outside Mr. and Mrs. Character’s terrible house)

Mrs. Character: WHAT THE HELL?!

(Mr. Character walks in eating cereal)

Mr. Character: What’s going on?

Mrs. Character: LOOK OUT THE WINDOW!

Mr. Character: Oh if it’s the SWAT team just ignore it. (looks out the window to see a news crew) WHAT THE?

Mrs. Character: Did you enter the lottery last night?

Mr. Character: No… The only thing I remember doing last night was using a shitty ATM that didn’t work.

Mrs. Character: Well apparently you entered the lottery last night and won a billion dollars.

Mr. Character: No, no, that can’t be right. I have the ATM receipt. (he pulls out the “receipt” and looks at it, he reads the words “Bikini Bottom National Lottery”) Oh… This is a lottery ticket.

Reporter: Now we’re here to see the winners, Mr. and Mrs. Character! (they both open the door to speak to the reporters) Mr. Character, do you have anything to say about your winnings?

Mr. Character: (still eating cereal) This Super Mario cereal is pretty good.

Reporter: And just in case you were wondering the winning numbers were: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.

Mr. Character: (To Mrs. Character) Oh great, he leaked my credit card details.

Mrs. Character: Can I talk to you for a second? (they go back inside) What are we going to do?

Mr. Character: Well I’ll just call the credit card company and tell them to cancel the card. The winnings wouldn’t have gone through yet.

Mrs. Character: Not about that, about the money. The billion dollars you won.

Mr. Character: Oh right! We’re rich!

Mrs. Character: Is it even fair for us to claim it?

Mr. Character: Well technically I did buy a ticket, and technically I did win. Also we can buy whatever we want now! Not that we need much.

Mrs. Character: Well, we could use a new house.

Mr. Character: Why what’s wrong with our house? (he leans up against a wall that suddenly breaks) Ah, I see.

(generic sitcom sting plays as we go to the Krusty Krab where Mr. and Mrs. Character are sitting at a table with SpongeBob and Patrick)

Patrick: Do you ever find yourself looking at Among Us Sex on The SBFW Crib?

Mr. Character: What the (censor bleep) I came here because you said you found properties that might be of interest to us.

SpongeBob: Well here’s one property that we found. (passes him a photo)

Mr. Character: This is just a small box.

Mrs. Character: Yeah I don’t think we are going to be able to fit all of our belongings there.

Mr. Character: That is the only problem with that house. (he shows the picture and the house is literally just a 1x1 cube)

(In another spot at the Krusty Krab Mr. Krabs walks up to Squidward)

Mr. Krabs: Did you clean up the mess SpongeBob and Patrick made in the office?

Squidward: I am not cleaning that shit up. You clean it up.

(Mr. Krabs walks into his office)

Mr. Krabs: Why? I’m sure it can’t be that bad- OH MY GOODNESS!

Patrick: Uhh… What about this one? (he passes them a picture)

Mr. Character: Dude, this is just our old house.

SpongeBob: Okay what about this one? (passes a picture)

Mr. Character: Actually that house doesn’t look too bad.

Mrs. Character: Lots of rooms, a driveway, a garage, it’s perfect. (the picture is literally just the title card for the series I am too lazy to describe it, just look at the main page if you’re interested)

Mr. Character: I’ll call the agent.

(generic sitcom sting)

Narrator: A few days later…

(Mr. Character, Mrs. Character, SpongeBob, and Patrick, are outside Mr. Character’s new house)

Mrs. Character: It’s amazing.

SpongeBob: So beautiful.

Patrick: House.

Mr. Character: Welcome everyone to my awesome house!

(generic sitcom sting as the credits start to roll)

Since filming for this episode finished, Mr. Krabs has passed away.

Narrator: Next time on Mr. Character’s Awesome House!

(Patrick is talking to Mr. Character outside the house)

Patrick: I forgot to pay my taxes and the IRS took my rock away and now I have to escape to a new life.

Mr. Character: You can stay with us!

Narrator: Patrick moves into the awesome house and things don’t go as well as Mr. Character first hoped.

Mr. Character: What did you download on my computer? (he plays a video that Patrick downloaded)

Voice on the computer: When Elaine Benes learns that they are taking her favorite method of birth control off the market-

Mr. Character: WHAT THE (censor bleep)?!

Narrator: Don’t forget to see "An Awesome Starfish", 2 years from now, probably.